I do love hot weather, really I do. I’m very happy that the dry spell is helping farmers after a shocking winter. But I’m blonde and fair skinned. I’ve only got to step outside the house sans factor 50 and I wonder if I might melt like a Mr Whippy. Along comes a smatter of rain and bearable temperatures and skin calms from danger red to a tolerable if slightly washed out beige. Ye gods!
Being stuck at home when the world is saying ‘do this do that, don’t do this, don’t do that’ and The Trump is advocating ingesting bleach or pot pourri or some sort of other crazy shit sends your anxiety sky high. All it requires is the nurturing security of a comforting cuppa and a biscuit. Or eight.
Your car starts first time
There is such a thing as love at first sight and it’s when your car, idle since Covid-19 restrictions were imposed weeks ago, starts with no extra help. This must be how it feels to summit Everest, surely? Invincible. Pity you can’t really go anywhere though.
Cleaning your teeth
Makes you feel brand new at any time of day and helpfully dislodges biscuit/pot pourri debris.
You go on mad journeys on Spotify and YouTube. One song or video leads to another along a totally random and utterly inexplicable path. Seven hours later you’re still up, head-banging to Led Zeppelin and lamenting the fact you weren’t alive/old enough to marry Robert Plant circa 1973. It’s a Wednesday night. You feel like Thor. You look like Worzel Gummidge.
Virtual pub quizzes
Saturday nights has become your weekly highlight because it’s when you get together with your family/mates for a virtual quiz. You spend most the night shouting at the screen, staring at your own face, yelling ‘can you repeat that?’ and cackling hysterically. You’re already slightly fretful about what life will be like without it.
Captain/Colonel Tom Moore
Your eyes spring leaks every time you see him on the telly. You find yourself wondering why aren’t the leaders in our country more like him; you know: arrestingly dignified and calm. Inspiring and sincere. Gracious and altruistic. Modest and kind. Can he just be in charge for a while? Pretty please?